Just Like the Fireworks
It was 12:30 AM of January 2011 when my dad and I finished watching that free "fireworks display" at our veranda. I kept on figuring out on how these people would invest much on something that would only last for a while. I never really liked the idea of spending money on such things because I was never a fan of an ear damaging and air polluting New Year's celebration. But as I gaze upon that seemingly useless star-like shingles that somehow adorned the smoky night sky, I just noticed that there is something different.
If my memory serves me right, it has been 42 days since my dad lost his job . Being an only child, I am now faced with the responsibility of paying majority of our house bills. That means the "savings" part of my salary would instantly go in paying the house rent. Thus, cutting my daily budget by 40% and postponing my plans of "pursuing my dreams". I remember crying to God about that apparent difficulty I am faced with. I would lash it out to Him in writing. Somehow He 'messed-up' my plan for 2011. I have had high hopes of enrolling in a masters class, go in 3 Asian countries to minister to the missionaries with ACM, learn Mandarin and Hip-Hop and travel at least one place in the Philippines that I haven't been to. But all of this will be put on the shelf first, until further notice or shall I say, until further provision.
I have done endless attempts to skip attending church because of the stress am getting from work, from my circumstances and some sporadic complications in between. It has been mentally tiring for me and it's starting to manifest itself physically. But because I honor my commitments and I know that I have to be there for some people, I attended anyway. I would even think of skipping tithing because that would mean additional budget for me, I tithed anyway; and even am in the brink of losing my sanity and the last thing I would ever want to do is to counsel and encourage people, I counseled and encouraged them anyway. Looking back at the last quarter of the year, I was amazed that I was able to handle such a load of emotional, let alone, mental torture.
I held on to my heavenly Father's promises. I would find myself walking in the mall in tears while talking to myself declaring -
"I will be able to handle this because I am not alone, Jesus you're with me, di'ba?'.
"He is sovereign and He knows exactly what He is doing".
Somehow that situation gave me an opportunity to think beyond myself and focus on what resources I have on my hands. I have learned to be grateful in everything that I have been given, that even eating Yang Chow fried rice in Chowking became such a big blessing to me. Aside from that, I have been more giving of others, my time, resources and even simple gifts for Christmas. I would be dumbfounded whenever God will send someone to bless me even with the things that is not of necessity. Food provision came pouring in as well as random financial blessing . More than that, this was an open opportunity for me to tag along my dad to go to church. I would see him listen and sometimes raise his hand as the pastor prays. It challenged me to be nicer to him. To walk the talk of Christianity as I preach it to other people. To be patient whenever he kept on asking the same questions uhm, 7 times (he's 70++). I am learning what it means to love my earthly father - that I originally didn't liked and distanced myself from.
Looking back at that smoky night sky, I've felt the peace that only God can give. Simple joy, perhaps to see my dad appreciate the beauty of that star-like shingles that mushroomed in the skies. I've realized that somehow our lives were like that of the fireworks: God brought us for an expensive price, that is the life of His very own Son, Jesus. He didn't have the guarantee of longevity of our faithfulness or even our loyalty but He invested in us anyway. And no matter how gloomy our situations are right now, God still sees the beauty that can become of us as we go through that very pain, brokenness and difficulty. We can always have the assurance that His plan is way better than ours.
And He has set our lives to showcase a star-like light in the darkness - just like the fireworks.
If my memory serves me right, it has been 42 days since my dad lost his job . Being an only child, I am now faced with the responsibility of paying majority of our house bills. That means the "savings" part of my salary would instantly go in paying the house rent. Thus, cutting my daily budget by 40% and postponing my plans of "pursuing my dreams". I remember crying to God about that apparent difficulty I am faced with. I would lash it out to Him in writing. Somehow He 'messed-up' my plan for 2011. I have had high hopes of enrolling in a masters class, go in 3 Asian countries to minister to the missionaries with ACM, learn Mandarin and Hip-Hop and travel at least one place in the Philippines that I haven't been to. But all of this will be put on the shelf first, until further notice or shall I say, until further provision.
I have done endless attempts to skip attending church because of the stress am getting from work, from my circumstances and some sporadic complications in between. It has been mentally tiring for me and it's starting to manifest itself physically. But because I honor my commitments and I know that I have to be there for some people, I attended anyway. I would even think of skipping tithing because that would mean additional budget for me, I tithed anyway; and even am in the brink of losing my sanity and the last thing I would ever want to do is to counsel and encourage people, I counseled and encouraged them anyway. Looking back at the last quarter of the year, I was amazed that I was able to handle such a load of emotional, let alone, mental torture.
I held on to my heavenly Father's promises. I would find myself walking in the mall in tears while talking to myself declaring -
"I will be able to handle this because I am not alone, Jesus you're with me, di'ba?'.
"He is sovereign and He knows exactly what He is doing".
Somehow that situation gave me an opportunity to think beyond myself and focus on what resources I have on my hands. I have learned to be grateful in everything that I have been given, that even eating Yang Chow fried rice in Chowking became such a big blessing to me. Aside from that, I have been more giving of others, my time, resources and even simple gifts for Christmas. I would be dumbfounded whenever God will send someone to bless me even with the things that is not of necessity. Food provision came pouring in as well as random financial blessing . More than that, this was an open opportunity for me to tag along my dad to go to church. I would see him listen and sometimes raise his hand as the pastor prays. It challenged me to be nicer to him. To walk the talk of Christianity as I preach it to other people. To be patient whenever he kept on asking the same questions uhm, 7 times (he's 70++). I am learning what it means to love my earthly father - that I originally didn't liked and distanced myself from.
Looking back at that smoky night sky, I've felt the peace that only God can give. Simple joy, perhaps to see my dad appreciate the beauty of that star-like shingles that mushroomed in the skies. I've realized that somehow our lives were like that of the fireworks: God brought us for an expensive price, that is the life of His very own Son, Jesus. He didn't have the guarantee of longevity of our faithfulness or even our loyalty but He invested in us anyway. And no matter how gloomy our situations are right now, God still sees the beauty that can become of us as we go through that very pain, brokenness and difficulty. We can always have the assurance that His plan is way better than ours.
And He has set our lives to showcase a star-like light in the darkness - just like the fireworks.
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