On Getting Lost

On Getting Lost | May 15, 2009 | blankang

One should really have to get lost to be forced to find their way back.

Lately, I've been going round the circles, floating and passively obeying. I'm tired and I want to quit. This is but an emotional torment on my part. I don't know if this is also a part of a strategic part to mould my coarse character but I must say that in the process of sulking myself on how bitter the pill is, the more I am frustrated to see that I have not been making any progress at all.

It even took me an inflamed tonsils and high fever to actually realize that this whole situation is part of a process I have to take part on. Thing is, I am still on the verge of crying over some lousy decisions and ego tripping of some people who does not even care of how I feel.

Frustrated, I blame that one who paved the way out on my expense. It was unfair. I was never consulted. What's worse is, not one act of apology ever came out of that person and maybe the thought of it does not seem to bother culprit; for that person was just telling what will help the ministry. I was put on the line "just because" and right now I'm still 50% irritated whenever that "heroic" act came into my remembrance. But such grudge will not be helpful; I keep on forgiving – well, there's no sense of getting mad at the culprit; after all, it's my character that needs to be polished.

"I'm tired and I want to quit" but having that mindset saps out all the joy that I have and somehow derailing me on the goals I would want to reach in the future; such aspirations that only a brave heart would want to accomplish; only an idealist would understand and only God can determine when – and until then, I shall endure the bitter pill of waiting and anticipation ... So help me God.